Reader’s Question - Win the Woman of Your Dreams!

Posted by Dating

May 8, 2008

Follow me on Twitter!

Ok, maybe I over-exaggerated the title of this post a little bit, but we are going to talk about this desire, that we - men have!
This post is actually inspired by a reader’s question. Here is the comment itself:

It’s sad for guys like me because I have no idea how to change myself ! I’m also kind of poor now so I can’t buy a book about attraction. I already did once and honestly, it didn’t help me one bit ! It was even written by a woman ! I am just a nice, helpful guy, how the hell will I change that ? It’s not that I don’t “get” it I think, I’m reading so much about it the past years. I’m too logical, that’s my big problem.

I’m madly in love now with a woman I met online, she knows it. How do I make her feel the spark ? She does like me and says I always make her laugh, how bad she feels but yes, she still has feelings for an as*hole who promised her things, said probably the same things like me, but she also says that she wishes I came first ! So what the hell can this mean ? BUT …

I accomplished what she wants, to give me an equal chance, so I can still work up to make her feel the spark. I think, we’re very compatible, talked for hours already n had big fun. Also had to help her though, emotionally, she’s a widow with 3 kids, only 2 girls at home, a son in rehab On one side she’s kind of logical like me but on the other she’s a woman of course and she admits that she felt the spark for that guy n he’s trying to win her back

I want to prevent that so PLEASE HELP ME !!!! I make a chance but have to do the right things ! We talk with web cam every day, she says she loves me but can’t commit yet, it’s not in love (I hope yet!!!) I save up to go see her in some months so I must be able to work up by then that I create attraction … Nothing (almost) is impossible so I have and keep faith !

Thanks anyway !

First of all - I am not a professional relationship expert, or whatever, I have no degree, nor certificate to give advice or treatment. You know … I had to make that clear, but this is exactly the reason these … tips are valuable to you - because what I say is based on personal experience or on the collective knowledge of the community!

Now this is a really common situation. I’ve been through that as well and I believe that you can as well. The real problem is that the way to deal with it, may not seem as the best option to you right now. So, let’s see.

I will tell you a way to set a starting point towards your possitive change later. I did it a while ago and it really helped me, so keep reading!

Now about that book you talked about. The only good book I know about attraction is Attraction isn’t a Choice by David DeAngelo. The fact that the book that you’ve read is written by a woman, does not necessary means that it’s good or … right. In fact, for most women it’s really hard to put their attraction mechanism in words, although in general, they are way better in dating, than men.

The thing when you meet a woman online is to act quickly. You need to take it to the next level soon, or you are going to end in the messaging loop, or voice chat loop, or web cam loop or whatever. You need to get her on the phone and go to a real date as soon as possible, so you should build attraction and trust quickly. Anyway, that’s another topic…

You’ve probably heard of the mighty Friend Zone already, and I believe you are actually there my friend. Once you get into the Friend Zone it’s really hard to exit. This is mainly because of the huge difference in male/female wiring. We think differently. A woman, won’t risk losing a great friend or therapist, for sex or potential love.

Said differently, have you ever had a very good girl friend, that you really liked … as a friend. And one day you suddenly notice, that she is into you and wants something more. Isn’t it kind of a shock?! Yeah, it is and it pulls you away.

You must understand that attraction is not a choice, David DeAngelo says. It’s an emotion, not a thought, or logic. Attraction is spark, under certain conditions, that should be met. You’ve heard women, talk about sparks and chemistry - they feel it and they understand it better than most men.

This guy, you talk about may be a jerk, but she is attracted to him. You on the other hand spent, so much time building comfort and you end up as the friend.

Another question… Have you escalated physically soon enough?! When a woman is attracted to you, she expects YOU, to be a man and make a move. On example I always kiss on the first date, when I want to! If you don’t escalate, she may think you are not attracted to you and you fall into the friend zone list.

What to do?!

Just step away. If you talk everyday, for hours - start talking just 1-2 times a week, for a couple of minutes. Become busy and get a life. Always and phone conversations and dates first. Give her the GIFT of missing you. After a month, you will get another chance to show yourself in a different light.

In the mean time, meet other women and let her know. There is an attraction “switch” called preselection. In other words, if you are pre-selected by women, other women are more attracted to you as well. And really go out and meet women, don’t just lie her!

Masculine energy is in the moment, into the NOW. Slowly and steady moving towards a goal. Find your goal and follow it steady. Let women be that great addition in your life, not the main component. They come and go, they move thought different periods, emotions and other, but you … you have a goal as a man and follow it. That is attractive too.

If there is anything else I did not cover, be free to post a comment.

Im2ortal