joke of the day
Joke of the Day - Special horse
There’s this guy who had been lost and walking in the desert for about 2 weeks.
One hot day, he sees the home of a missionary. Tired and weak, he crawls up to the house and collapses on the doorstep.
The missionary finds him and nurses him back to health. Feeling better, the man asks the missionary [...]
Joke of the Day - Talk like a frog
A little boy turned to his grandpa and said, “grandpa, talk like a frog.”
The Grandpa replied “What?, I’m not going to talk like a frog!”
The little boy again asked, “come on, Grandpa talk like a frog please.”
Grandpa again said “No! Go bother your grandmother.”
The little boy finally gave up and left.
A little while later the [...]
Joke of the Day - New ceo
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The [...]
Joke of the Day - Door to door salesman
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“&&** off!” said the [...]
Joke of the Day - Breakfast chores
A little boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.
“Not yet,” said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he’s a little ticked off, so when he feeds the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. When [...]
Joke of the Day - No parent left behind
These are notes written by PARENTS in an Arkansas school district.. (Spellings have been left intact.)
1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take pe today. please execute him.
2. Please exkuce Mona for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear school: Please ecsc’S Johnny’s being absent on jan. [...]
Joke of the Day - Welfare office
A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, “Hi . . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job”.
The social worker behind the counter says, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man [...]
Joke of the Day - The race
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.
They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas [...]
Joke of the Day - Home remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegies by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with your signigicant other about [...]
Joke of the Day - Signs
These are actual signs seen around the world in non-English speaking countries. Some of the mistakes are hilarious!
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey [...]
Joke of the Day - Blonde Robbery
A red-head, a brunette and a blonde perform a Post Office robbery. They are on the run from the police and they have to ditch their car and go cross country.
They are all getting tired and happen across an old farm with a huge barn. Sneaking inside the barn, they see three old flour [...]
Joke of the Day - Fast Chicken
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side the road, beside his car.
He was amazed to see that the chicken was keeping up with him. Glancing down at his speedometer, he noticed that he was doing 50 MPH.
He accelerated to 60 miles per hour and the [...]
Joke of the Day - Divorce Joke
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”
She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.”
“No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case?”
“It is made [...]
Joke of the Day - Dangerous Parrot
A woman’s dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.
He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check. [...]
Joke of the Day - The Wedding Rehearsal
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d [...]
